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romanestuffsposts · 1 year ago

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hi love your writing so much and you seem so sweet :) would you feel comfortable writing about reader who has to wear pull-ups and feels embarrassed about it but her daddies comfort her and make her feel better about it? maybe she even tries to take them off or hide them but daddies explain it’s ok that she needs to wear them? as someone who struggles with incontinence due to a health issue ive been very embarrassed in the past. thank you sm!

Hi there love! 💜

Thank you so much for this sweet request! I'm so sorry something bad happened and that it made you feel that way! I really hope you're doing better now <3

Enjoy <33

****

Warnings : pulls up, reassurance, cuddles, pet names, teasing, bath time, changing time

Pairings : daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We love you the way you are

****

"stop moving" your Daddy groans. He grabs your little toes and keeps them in his strong hand so he can paint your toenails without being kicked.

You giggle because it's so funny to annoy him. It's been ten minutes and he only paints two nails. He's being really careful so he doesn't exceed.

His tongue even stick out of his lips every once in a while. Just like you when you're oncentrate on something really important for you. So the fact that he sticks his tongue out make you blush.

"if Daddy doesn't hurry up with your little nails we'll have to change the water of your bath because it's gonna be colder than the ice" Your Papa jokes as he leans against the armrest, where your head is resting

You laugh at his teasing while your Daddy rolls his eyes "i'm not that slow" he says "and why did you already prepared her bath ? You knew it'll take me time to do that" he complains, pointing at your toenails.

"how should i know it'll take you so much time to do such a simple thing. It takes me only ten minutes" he shurgs, winking down at you.

You grin up at your Papa and bite your lower lip as you look back down at your Daddy "get out" your Daddy sternly says. Your eyes widen because you thought he was serious but when you hear your Papa laughing behind you, your face relax.

"want me to finish ?" He asks, nodding at your Daddy's hand who's painting now your third nail. "No, I wanna do it" he mumbles as he frowns down because he tries to concentrate and everyone is distracting him.

"Okay" Your Papa laughs "We'll just add hot water in her bath when you're done" He leaves the living room to go in the kitchen to finish the dishes while your Daddy start the fourth nail.

You watch him struggling but still succeeding and after minutes, almost one hour, he's finally done.

He breathes out a long breath and sits back up "here. Done’’ he smiles satisfied as he looks down at his work ‘´we just have to wait some minutes so the last nails can dry and then, bath time’’ he winks.

Like he said, after some minutes he checks if it’s dry and since he got up and lifts you up in his arms, you assume your nails were ready.

He walks upstairs and sits you on the counter of the sink making you grimace at the uncomfortable things that’s in your pants now.

See the things is, you were having such a good time in the couch with your Daddies and then with only your Daddy that you didn’t wanted to move nor disturbing him. You really thought you could hold on until he’s done but you forget he’s much more slower than your Papa..

Your Daddy starts to undress you, he removes your shirt, he lets your hair falls down and then he lifts you up so he can grab your pants and panties.

He stops his movements and looks down ‘´oh’’ was his only reaction.

You look down, ashamed, and wait for him to yell at you or showing you how annoyed he is because of you.

But the only thing he does is kneeling Infront of you and stroking your cheek with his thumb ‘’look at me baby girl’’ he softly say

Your bright eyes meet his beautiful one. His gaze is soft and loving, the opposite of what you expected.

‘’It’s okay’’ he smiles as he tilts his head ‘’it happens sometimes, you don’t need to be ashamed of it’’ he kisses your nose ‘’we’ll just clean you before you bath and after we’ll put something that will help you if it happens again today, alright ?’´ he stands up and lifts you up so you would sit on the changing table

‘’No’ you pout as you shake your legs ‘’don wanna pulls up’’ you whine.

‘’baby doll’’ he sighs, he rests his hands on each side of you and looks at you deep in the eyes ‘’nothing will change, you would just wear those pulls up instead of your panties but nothing else will change’´ he drops his forehead against yours ‘’we will not find you disgusting or weird because you need it. You’re still our pretty, joyful and innocent little princess’’

You smile a little through your discomfort and nod your head. You let your Daddy cleans you, his soft voice that’s reassuring you each time he sees you wiggling on the table or his gentle caresses on your belly helped you getting through that.

After your bath, he changed you into your pulls up, even tho you tried to negotiate with him to not put it on you -you obviously failed- and then walked with you, hands in hands , downstairs.

He brings you to the kitchen and sits you on the counter so you can be near your Papa who’s cooking ‘’how is my big girl going ?’’ He asks with a soft smile as he peers at you.

You groan because you’re not happy with the fact that you have to wear a pulls up and kick your heels in the cupboard underneath you

‘’Hey! None of that here’’ your Daddy warns as he points at you.

You let out a crying whine before looking away. They both know you have trouble accepting the fact that sometimes you need pulls up or a bottle or a paci for sleeping but who cares ? They find it adorable and love preparing it for you.

After eating, you quickly and discreetly disappeared to the bathroom, you did what you had to do in there and then come back down immediately. They don’t say a thing because they thought you were at the toilet when in fact… you were doing something else.

When the time for changing you came, you didn’t say a thing which surprised both of your Daddies. They walked with you upstairs -since they’re gonna put you to bed right after, they’re both there- and when your Daddy went to grab a pull up while your Papa undressed you, he noticed something was wrong

‘’Buck ?’´ He calls

‘’Mh ?’’ Bucky answers as he removes your pull up.

You bite your lower lip.

‘’Where did you put the pulls up box ?’’ He asks after checking each cupboard.

‘’Where it usually is’’ Bucky chuckles, still looking down as he’s cleaning you.

‘’Yea, well it’s not there’’

Bucky frowns and looks up at his husband ‘’you sure ?’’ This one nod.

Both of them look down at you and from the moon on your face, they both know immediately.

‘’Little one ?’’ Your Daddy says. You’re not even looking in their eyes, it’s so obvious now, more than before.

‘’What did you do ?’´ he asks, both is his hand resting on your hip

‘’Nothin’ ´’

He raised an eyebrow making you wanting to look away

‘’Didn’t do anythin!’’ You shake your head ‘’wanted to pee but then I saw the pull up sumping by the window’’ you say playing with your fingers.

‘’try again’’ your Daddy sternly says

Your face drops and you look down, giving them the answer they were waiting ‘’now tell us where it is’’

‘’Under ‘m bed’’ you mumble.

Your papa goes get it and comes back with the box on his hands ‘’here’’ he gives one to Bucky

Your Daddy changed you while you stay completely quiet, your eyes fixed on your fingers.

‘’Look at us, please’’ your Papa grabs your hand and you look up at him, you see your Daddy standing beside him

‘’There’s nothing wrong with needing a pull up, sweetie. It’s just a plus, this is not for degrading you or making you feel guilty because you can’t hold it’’ he tilts his head

‘’We love you’’ your daddy says ‘’we love every aspect of you, no matter what it is. We love all of the things that make you yourself, even that’s

‘’Even that’’ your Papa repeats ‘’there’s nothing you need to be ashamed of when it comes to us’’

‘´Yeah, you’re so weird that we’re used to it now. Nothing shock is anymore’ your Daddy teases you making you giggle, just like he wanted.

‘’Now about we read a wonderful story before closing those beautiful eyes of yours ?’’ Your Papa proposes.

You nod and let him carrying you to the bedroom. You start rubbing your eyes as soon as your neck touches the mattress. Your Daddy clicked his tongue in his mouth and removes your hands, he kisses your eyes softly before laying beside you

He hates when you’re too agressive with your eyes.

As soon as the caring and loving voice of your Papa is heard, your mind is softly slipping away.

All worries with your need forgotten for the night in your Daddies bed, under the protection of their loves and their arms.

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whumpitisthen · 10 months ago

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I don't know if you take a request!

But, can you write about Whumpee with Stockholm Syndrome who went back to Whumper after finally escaped for a month?

I take requests yes but you must know it takes me four years to come up with a single draft for anything so be prepared to wait an indefinite amount of time!! I tried to keep it short and idk if ive succeeded!! Here you go!!

No Longer a Lie

Their goodbye was the same as a soldier’s going off to war. He may never return, and even if he does, he would return a different man. A sombre, yet loving valediction.

Her smile is watery and proud. The kind, thoughtful, caring old lady that found him that day and took him in believes that he is going home today. He had told her his parents have finally arranged everything ready for him to return. He had explained that they didn't expect him to suddenly show up in their life after so many years again, that they lived abroad and needed time to get his papers in order, that they cannot wait to see him again. She believes he is going to heal and find himself, and be safe under the care of his family.

He was lying. He doesn't have a family. He had lied to this sweet, innocent lady so she would not try to stop him from what he is about to do. She thinks she saved him, and that he is going home. To some extent, that is true.

She packed him a backpack full of snacks, spare clothes, even some money. She bought him new clothes to wear. She walked him to the train station, though her rickety hips barely allowed her to stay standing long enough. She watched him get on the train and waved at him all the way up until they could no longer see each other through the window as the platform grew further and further away.

He only cried once he was sure she could not see.

He retraces every step he took a month prior to this day. He minds the gap, turns every corner. He recognises a flower shop in the suburbs. The large, tilted tree in the park. A large graffiti under the cement bridge is his next sign that he is going the right direction.

Soon, the houses become overwhelmingly familiar. A few more blocks, and he will be there. His legs ache, the new, cheap shoes he got from her rub at his heels with every step, bloodying the rough fabric. He could not stop his journey if he wanted. He feels his very heart dragging him along on a leash, back to where he left a month ago, back to where he escaped.

There it is. A secluded house at the edge of town, fenced off with barbed wire and kept in perfect condition. His soles burn, but his pace only quickens. He knows those chain links. He knows those barred windows. He knows that godforsaken garage door. He is home. He made it.

Oh, she would have never let him go if he told her that he considered this prison his home.

Reaching the outer gate, the intimate feeling of fear choking him arises like an old friend. The last time he saw this place from the outside he only got to for a moment in his haste. A glance over his shoulder in the middle of the night, and then he was gone like a ghost. He wonders what all has changed. He doubts anything has.

He hesitates. They will be angry at him, he's sure. So, so angry. He left without warning, without saying anything. To think he thought he could leave without repercussions instead of owning up to his mistake and suffering the consequences. Now, here he is thirty days later, crawling back on trembling legs, in strange clothing and some fat under his skin to beg for forgiveness. He is the most ungrateful, pathetic creature he can imagine. He's sure he will be told as much once the door opens.

He steels himself and presses the bell. It goes off twice in quick succession thanks to his twitchy fingers. He cannot tell if the overwhelming nerves strangling him are of worry or excitement.

He has been away for too long, trying to function in a place he is no longer meant for. He craves this hell like one would their heaven. He knows it's wrong, he knows he could leave right now and go back to the old lady that took care of him like her own son and he could relearn how to be a person and it would all be okay. He rationalises that it's far too late for that.

The ten seconds that pass in silence after the bell chimes are agony spreading over an eternity. His fingers cramp with how fiercely he fists them to his palm. Eventually, however, the entrance opens, and out steps the devil himself.

He stops on the porch, pausing to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him, but he then quickly crosses the distance between the two of them to jerk the gate open and embrace him before his lost darling could even rant off his apology that he has been writing in his head ever since he first took a step outside of this house.

They stand in silence for a long minute.

This moment feels absolutely perfect. Better than he ever expected it to feel; just the most idyllic scene that goes exactly as he had dreamed it would. The hug feels better than he had imagined, so warm and tight and all-encompassing. His red nose finds its way into the crook of the man's neck, nestling in there. He breathes in deep, taking in the smell of comfort, of the wonderfully known and expected; the familiarity.

“I’ve told you so many times. You do not belong out there anymore.”

In reality, what he had experienced with his freedom was not joy, but layers upon layers of anxiety. Everything was new, everything was unusual, everything was terrifying. What he had grown so used to during his years in this house he threw away in blind greed, wanting more from life than the perfect world his owner had made for him.

At first the freedom was elating. Long forgotten concepts like privacy and control had returned and excited him. But then his new circumstances became tiring. One or two core differences became dozens of alien rules he had to rememorise. Then came shame at experiencing such trouble with something that is meant to be no issue at all for anyone; anyone but him. Normal people don't expect perfect obedience in return for tolerance. Normal people don't have to ask for permission to eat when a plate is put in front of them. Normal people don't have to keep their owners content. Normal people aren't scared of their owners. Normal people don't have owners. These are all things he had to get used to, among the sea of other more obscure examples.

The final straw was his curse of worthlessness. He felt he did not deserve any of this. He ran away. He broke so many rules. He was having awful trouble with his new rules. He was ungrateful. And yet, the old lady only showed kindness and care. No punishments, no threats, not even any mocking or insults. Just relentless, angelic forgiveness. She would not hurt him even when he offered, even when he had asked. He could not handle this; he felt like he was going to go insane with guilt.

His owner had told him this countless times, but only now does he truly understand what he had meant, — the complicated, scary life of a free person just isn't suited for him. Not anymore. He is different. He cannot be left alone for long. He cannot function without clear cut rules, routine or punishments. He doesn't think like everyone else. Above everything, what was killing him every day the most was yearning for his owner. He needs his owner. He cannot be away from him, he depends on him too much. He missed him every day, feeling dumber and dumber each day for being so cowardly.

But now, now he is here again, in his owner's capable hands. Everything will make sense again, all his mistakes will be fixed and he can spend the rest of his life atoning for his naïve stupidity. He will take being locked up in this birdcage for the rest of his life. He will take the sharp, unending burn of punishments each time he slips up. He will take it all without a word if that's what his owner wants. He missed him more than should be possible. He cries. He is so happy.

His relief is crushed as soon as the door locks behind him, and he is once again all alone with the man. His freshly washed hair is grabbed and he is dragged all the way down to the source of all of his nightmares, sent to the floor viciously. His crying turns desperate. He is barely left time to gasp out a plea before he is grabbed again and tied up much too tightly, rope burning over old, thick scarring along his wrists. His cries are muffled with a gag, and his tears are soaked up with a blindfold.

He becomes inconsolable then. He knew this would happen, he knew he would be punished, he knows he deserves it — but this is all too sudden, juxtaposed horribly by the tenderness of that hug that he waited a month for and needed more than he ever realised. Now it's like his owner is a different man, mercilessly restraining him and not saying a word, just like when he is truly furious. He didn't seem angry at all before. His owner seemed as relieved as he did.

He can tell he is dropped off in the middle of the basement by how cold it is and how his skin catches on the drain under him. He is pulled to kneel, and while he tries his best to obey every wordless order, his limbs have become useless jelly, flowing in all the wrong directions.

The punishment is severe. So severe that he is certain he won't survive it. The first to break are his legs. He might not ever be able to walk again, much less run away from consequences. His arms are wrenched behind and up until his shoulders pop, rendering all his limbs useless. They are left there like that, hanging off him like parasites that feed on his agony. He is beaten with something heavy, made of iron. That breaks several more bones, his ribs mostly. His screams start dying down then, not for a lack of trying. The gag muffles every apology he sobs into it, ensuring he will only be able to say sorry once his owner has decided he is truly sorry.

He is reduced to a bag of flesh to be abused. He cannot fight any of it, he cannot see any of it and he cannot stop any of it. He has never felt so much like an object before in his life, not with the old lady, not prior escaping, not prior to being caught. Still, he never even thinks about regretting coming back. He never holds anything against his master, he never holds a grudge or resentment. He deserves this for disobeying him, and his owner deserves his pain as compensation. He deserves this, he deserves this, please, please let him say he deserves all of it and see how he regrets running. He needs to say it, he needs this to end, he wants nothing more than to grovel at the man's feet and sob over and over how worthless he is and how he will never ever try anything like this again.

The only way this can end is if he is forgiven, but he cannot be forgiven until he has apologised.

The blindfold is never removed, not like his bindings and the gag. This distresses him greatly even as he is cuddled in his owner's arms once again, exhausted. The blindfold only ever comes out for the worst of his mistakes. When his master is angry with him. When a simple slap or two or a couple days without food isn't enough. The fact that it is still on even hours after he was finally allowed to beg for forgiveness — he just cannot relax. He supposes that's probably the reason why it's still on. He can’t just forget about what he did so easily with one round of torment. He hopes it will be taken off soon, but at the same time, he has no hope for it coming off in the coming days.

He doesn't even know if he has suffered enough yet. This small thing could very well signal that he will be atoning for this transgression for up to another month; just as long as he had spent away from here. The thought terrifies him enough to sob brokenly into his owner's chest, huddled up against him as he is. He’s rewarded with a light pet. He whispers a thank you.

The man pauses at that, causing his body to tense in preparation of more pain. Wonderfully, however, all that comes is more gentleness, a hand that has hurt him so many times now digging down to the roots of his hair and scratching in a pleasant rhythm. He has never been more thankful. The smallest of kindnesses from his owner are enough for him to forget all about the month of constant mercy from the old lady that took care of him unconditionally. Something must be wrong with him. He doesn't think about that for too long.

“I am so glad you came back,” — his master murmurs.

No one loves him like his master loves him. The old lady… was stupid. She was an idiot. Who would take in a stranger off the street, half-dead, and spoil him like she did? That's moronic. Her kindness — it doesn't matter. Any grain of sweetness from this man means more than a whole year of hers. He loves him. She was just a dumb old lady.

He feels awful for thinking this. His brain is at battle with his heart, trying to convince himself that this is what he is meant to be, that this is right, while feeling a dark emptiness building in his lungs.

Later, once his body is no longer useless and he can do as he is told, he does so. When he is told to clean, he cleans. When he is told to stay still, he stays still. When he is told to hold his breath, he holds his breath. Neither of them mention it. His owner doesn't tease him for falling back into old habits so soon. He doesn't even think to resist or think for himself. This is their norm. Nothing out of the ordinary. How it is supposed to be. Every night, he tells himself he is happy and loved. He feels his owner's arms around him, holding him close, pushing on his dark, painful bruises and he thanks him for allowing him to stay. His master tells him he loves him, and he smiles, saying the same thing.

And he means it.

Masterlist | Ko-fi

Taglist: @morning-star-whump @whumprince

#whump #my writing #asks #anon #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #whump writing #sadistic whumper #fear #stockholm syndrome #failed escape #broken bones #begging #blindfolded #restrained #beating #recapture #captivity whump

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nerves-nebula · 6 months ago

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one thing i find mildly embarrassing (not in the normal sense of the word but w/e) is my complete disconnect from basically any history or culture or ancestry i could've had? this comes up sometimes when i write characters, like for example, i'm still developing the Hanheppi religion and one thing ive been thinking about is how important ancestry is in some religions.

I had a religious architecture class a while back and we watched some videos of these indigenous Australian people doing some collaborative art and the mother was talking to the kid, explaining every step of the lineage on the art piece they were working on and it was really wonderful. And in a lot of my research & other stuff with religion I keep coming across this idea of ancestry and heritage and community and how important that shit can be but. basically.

it keeps reminding me that my characters, especially the hanheppi ones, should probably have some sort of connection to the past? Like, probably a pretty significant one? Hanheppi people are humans, they're supposed to be raised in a culture that values their history and lineage. its supposed to be very communal. but because I've never really experienced that I often forget to include it or mention it and its like. hhhah.

i don't? know? how to do that. I don't know what its like for your community to be an important part of your identity, i don't even know what it's like for your extended or immediate family to be an important part of your identity. my parents succeeded in making me feel completely disconnected from everything i could possibly have built community on. i'm uninterested into looking into where i came from because frankly it sounds terrible. it sounds like people who wouldn't accept me anyway, so i have no interest in that. I live in my head the way I always have. but it does leave me kind of empty. and i feel like it leaves my characters pretty empty too, especially the ones who are supposed to be very invested in their communities.

oh well :p

#nnstuff #nnoc #hanheppi

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mihai-florescu · 1 year ago

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Can u explain to me the significance of anzu. If u wanna

Signed, someone that only knows of her as the self insert protag and wasn t aware she s somehow very important (i dont go here but i like hearin u talk about it)

Yes! Anzu is a character in her own right with a full backstory that expands beyond enstars actually, in ensemble girls, to the point where it makes me wonder at what point they decided to make enstars to show what she's been up to after leaving kimisaki (the school in engirls. There she is called angie, both angie and anzu are references to the pronounciation of the game titles themselves). She's also the older sister of the protagonist of engirls, a male transfer student from yumenosaki into kimisaki (the plot of engirls takes place in enstars 2 era, so her brother is actually still at yumenosaki during the first year of enstars, he's in the general course though, not the idol one).

The reason Anzu transfered is after a failed revolution she was part of in kimisaki. In that game she is a sort of ghost haunting the narrative, where a lot of characters still mention her (and compare iirc?) to her younger brother. I cant speak much of how this impacts him, ive only read a limited number of engirls stories, mostly ones from before he transferred. Heard the game ends with a timeloop he has to break, so im very curious to one day find a translation for That. So while that's happening over at kimisaki, but let's get back to enstars, where anzu gets another chance at a successful revolution and falls in love with idols in the process. Her presence and trickstars revolution solidifies that things are changing from the war into a hopeful future, the student council arent undefeatable, and there are still new characters that can appear and impact the flow of the story.

When trickstar were broken up by fine she stays and helps in the DDD in a way where, without her, trickstars revolution wouldnt have succeeded. She puts on a mask and joins on stage when the only other member left in the unit was subaru, and the minimum number of people to be qualified to perform is 2. She calls people from her old school in the crowd, amd her brother calls general course students, whose support for her trickstar lead to winning the first live against knights and make way for them to progress to the finals. In the end during the DDD finale it's her vote that makes the difference, going into overtime and making trickstar win. She's a regular person, not a genius, not even an idol, who had impacted the course of events time and time again until the end. She supported Trickstar's revolution, joined them on stage as support, i'd say she is the glue of the unit that helped keep it floating, made it a place to return to. On a grander scale, Anzu is a character who gets a second chance at a successful revolution that ends in happiness, something she had failed at kimisaki. Trickstar are the miracle that changes yumenosaki, but that wouldnt have been possible without anzu's support. Their 5th member.

A critique i see sometimes is that everyone ends up liking her for no reason but...thats not true? Many characters welcome her as a breath of fresh air and a needed new perspective, but others are aprehensive and untrusting in the beginning, it's not like her presence alone magically fixes everything as a deus ex machina or anything, she's actively working hard, to the point where she jeopardizes her own health in the process. And it's also not like she acts the same with all idols either, or doesnt have her own personality and input, she directly impacts their character arcs through her treatment, like in kaoru's case comes to mind first.

This is for ! era at least. I feel more confident talking about that one than !!, where she is part of the P association and experiences hardships and is undermined there, but i am not the person to talk about that as i dont feel like my knowledge of her role there is nearly good enough.

#ask #anon #enstars

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batemanofficial · 5 months ago

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word vomit as i try to parse a work frustration. stand by

so since ive been back to work i'm having a bit of an issue with one of the sous chefs - basically he's new to expoing and gets really nervous when we're in the weeds, and instead of focusing on calling the tickets correctly (ahem.) he tries to "help" me with my dishes, often without explaining to me what he's doing or how this will affect my all-day totals. and as you can imagine this makes me a little insane! i appreciate that he's trying to help keep ticket times down, but on the other hand: oh my god i need him to fuck off entirely and do his mf job and let me do mine. correctly, perferably, but im open to a solid c+ in accuracy if that's all he's feeling up to at this point.

so given that, we had a particularly busy service a couple of weeks ago and he was being particularly invasive vis-à-vis starting and finishing dishes without telling me, and at one point i was standing directly behind him holding a frying pan full of smoking clarified butter while he was standing directly in front of my hot pan tray. so i told him "hey man, you need to move." those were my exact words. verbatim. but apparently he did not see the giant pan full of boiling fluid in my hands and thought i was just telling him to fuck off? i guess? because he got his feelings hurt and told our executive chef about it, who has proceeded to dance around the issue to me and only vaguely indicate that the sous is trying to help and that we should just all get along. which if you know me at all you know that succeeded in doing little else besides pissing me off. so today another, higher ranking sous pulled me aside and told me that the ec is going to tell me that my ticket times have been too high, and that she knows it's because of the weird dynamic between me and The Meddler and basically that im not in trouble as far as she's concerned, but that the ec is going to be all mealymouthed about it and tell me to let The Meddler do his meddling. and i appreciate the warning from her 1000% but im debating whether or not to kind of give the ec a piece of my mind about all this, because its making me feel insane. like apparently the meddler is saying in his weekly diagnostic emails that my ticket times are too high, but he won't say that to my face, which makes me want to take a filet from the fridge and put it in my mouth and shake ir really hard like a dog trying to kill a squirrel to be completely transparent.

this is a completely separate discussion but i have made my peace with the fact that im just not a very empathetic person, but i cannot stand working in a place where i feel like i'll be told im not being a team player if i try to take charge of what i'm working on and not let other people take the lead on my station. like i know im very territorial when it comes to that kind of thing, im an only child so i don't play well with others, im well aware of that. however, i don't think standing around and not telling people when they're doing something that's hampering the effectiveness of the team is going to get us anywhere!! i'd much rather be told "hey, hurry the fuck up and plate that" than have to wonder what i'm doing wrong because two out of three of my direct superiors have little bitch disease. and on the flip side i want to be able to say "hey man, i'll finish my tickets if you'll get back to expo and take a minute to figure out an (accurate) all day, and then delegate from there." without feeling like the sous is gonna get the vapors about it and tell the ec that im harshing his vibe and now his feewings awe huwt 🥺. because quite frankly i don't care if i hurt his feelings, especially not if he's doing something that's throwing everybody off and making our ticket time problem worse. im sorry but that's the only way i know how to put it. they have little bitch disease. and it's terminal.

i feel like i need to tell the ec all of that so that he'll get his head out of his ass and grow a pair essentially, but i also like my job and don't want to get fired. but i also don't want all our communication issues to get even worse, because with the way the ec runs things they will get worse because nobody has the requisite balls to tell each other when they're doing something that's dragging other people down. anyway. this has just been an exercise to help me organize my thoughts so that i don't tell the man who signs my paycheck that he's being a pussy to his face. go in peace and i'll let you all know if i get fired

#speak friend and enter

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celestialpotat0 · 3 months ago

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Bleed Blue

The Devil Wears Flannel. Happy Halloween!

didn't feel sad anymore since the last post. ive genuinely felt happy ever since my last post, and have been thinking, this feels like my normal self. i usually feel this happiness. when i think back on it, i believe there was a pattern. the times i felt really sad were triggered by something happening at work. during my last post i felt like it came out of nowhere, i couldnt pinpoint anything specific at the time that caused it. which led me to believe that it mustve had general causes that must be hiding.

but ive since realized that there were things at work that triggered the sadness, i just didn't know on those days how much they affected me deep down. likewise, when ive felt really sad in the past, i now can identify triggers at work that caused it. they hurt me more than i knew, so that while i was at work i'd stay focused on work and distracted by work, but once i got home and had time to feel, the emotions revealed themselves. i had mistakenly attributed the sadness to more general factors in my life, because i was blind to how much the events from work hurt me.

last week i got sick, leading me to take a sick day from work for the very first time since i started this full-time job 3 years ago. but last week i was unmistakably, undeniably sick. i felt so guilty for not being able to work and was trying to persuade myself that I could get through a work shift, but i truly was too sick to work. i was having a hard time believing that i got sick, because my immune system is usually too strong. ive been strangely immune to covid, incapable of catching covid, once again tested negative.

and if i hadn't been sick, i would have worked evening shifts last week and wouldve missed the final 2 games of the world series. if i hadn't gotten sick for the first time since starting this job 3 years ago, i 1000% would have missed the games, because i NEVER call off sick. then i just so happened to get sick last week. so i was really giving myself a hard time about getting sick and really didn't want to call off sick (it's nice to have an attendance streak going), but there was some good that came out of it:

i am really grateful that i got to watch the games live (on tv, not in person). the iconic moments in this world series, the end of game 1, being down by 5 points in game 5 only to come back in a single inning and go on to win the championship in the same game. i'm so inspired by the dodgers, seeing these guys hustle out there and play the way they did, their heart was in it, they wanted it. they set their mind to it and achieved it, it's beautiful. because i was stuck on the couch at home instead of at work, with every pitch i got to feel the suspense and emotions, those moments thinking you will probably lose the game but then coming out victorious. and it just means so much more when it's the Dodgers! <3 baseball has a way of bringing me genuine happiness. and i know it sounds so boneheaded. i can't explain exactly why i care so much about some strangers winning a game, or why i have so much affection toward a team who doesn't know i exist. there's something so exciting about seeing the people you're rooting for end up succeeding! not to mention im in awe of their athleticism and drive. you get this idea that all those drills and hard work they put into their game paid off.

on friday, i told myself that i'd intentionally have a day completely off. and the only reason i had this mentality was a direct result of my illness. i told myself that if i was going to spend a precious vacation day because of illness, i was going to make damn sure that my day off didn't go to waste. i couldnt make it back home to the dodgers parade for just a single day off (though i heavily debated it); i was back at work on halloween evening and saturday. so on friday i didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't exercise, didn't do errands, only washed dishes. i realized how novel it was for me to have this mentality for a day off, where i completely remove all expectations for myself to do anything obligatory. it made such a huge difference for my mental health, made me feel that living is joyful in the day-to-day. so that im not just waiting for my next vacation, not spending all my time working. i really needed that. it just made life feel so much happier and more manageable. yesterday i failed to effectively use my day off. so i resolve to work on this. i am grateful for getting sick to teach me how to truly take a day off.

today is election day. my emotions are running high, im scared and nervous. i cast my vote and everything else is all out of my control.

still have a runny nose and cough and it's been 10 days.

wanted to include this pic as a reminder of people's kindness toward me. Thank you so much to our nurses for showing your appreciation! makes me want to uplift others too ^_^

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bloglutfi · 1 year ago

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Revealing Denny Ja’s elected work 37: Terrorism facts that touch the heart

In the world of Indonesian literature, Denny Ja is one of the writers who has produced his best work. His work not only entertains, but also gives a different point of view in understanding the social phenomena that are around us. One of his selected works that deserves to be revealed is the 37th work entitled “Factor of Terrorism that Touching the Heart”. In this article, we will explore some interesting facts in the work. I. Terrorism as a global threat Explain what is terrorism and why it is a serious global threat. Discussing the various types of terrorism in the world today. II. Denny JA’s background Introducing Denny JA as a famous writer and intellectual. Discuss influence and inspiration in creating his work. III. Synopsis of selected works Give a summary of the story of “Terrorism Factor that Touching the Heart”. Describe the main character in the story. IV. Interesting facts in the work Explain some interesting facts revealed in the story. Discuss the emotional impacts caused by the facts. V. Effect of Selected Work Discussing the impact caused by the work on the community. Describe how this work opens our eyes to the reality that is around us. VI. Moral and social messages in the work Identifying the moral and social messages that Denny JA wants to convey. Discussing the importance of the message in shaping our understanding of terrorism. VII. Criticism and praise of the work Seeing how this work was accepted by critics and readers. Discuss whether this work succeeded in achieving its goals and effective in conveying the messages to be conveyed. VIII. Conclusion Conclude this article by describing the importance of the work and how this work can affect us as readers. Encourage readers to read this work and take lessons from facts that are revealed in the story. In the 37th elected work of Denny JA, “Factor of Terrorism that touches the heart”, Denny JA brought us on a journey that revealed the dark side of terrorism. Through facts presented, we are not only invited to understand this phenomenon in more depth, but also to feel the emotional impact caused by this crime. This work not only provides information, but also invites us to think and act to prevent terrorism in our society. Denny Ja, as an experienced writer, is able to convey moral and social messages in a professional way. Karyakarya like this helps us in understanding the complexity of the world that is around us. “Terrorism Factors that touch the heart” is one of the works that should be appreciated and revealed, because it is able to arouse our awareness of the threat of terrorism in this world. Through this article, we hope that the reader will be inspired to read another Denny Ja work and increase their understanding of terrorism. Hopefully by understanding more in this phenomenon, we can contribute to preventing terrorism and creating a safer and more peaceful world.

Check more: Uncovering the 37th elected work of Denny JA: Terrorism Factors that touch the heart

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violetnaps · 3 months ago

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okay here we go

placeholder name - senju

lore - theyre immortal. hell-risen. kill them once and theyll just come back later like nothing happened. ideally they need their physical body externally healed but can go without too. the legend goes that the first senju walked out of hell to serve the soul king, or something. and the only way to really kill them is to physically push them back into hell. which only they themselves can do. their bankai can summon the gates of hell and condemn anyone they feel like into it. also during bankai theyre truly immortal, as in unkillable - cut them and theyll stitch themselves back together with chains. more puppet than person. (kind of reminds of urahara...)

members -

sachiko, the Main Guy, to me. predecessor was old even by senju standards and desperate to die. sired three kids for the purpose of killing her. sachiko is the third. succeeded. doesnt know wtf to do now so goes on to have a chill academy life with hisagi and the others and becomes seventh's lieutenant really soon after graduating. "it's nepotism" it's her and komamura both being freaks and annihilating the training grounds trying to kill each other in lieu of the lieutenancy test or however theyre assigned. hates her zanpakuto and fights most battles with only kido. especially partial to bakudo. sth sth her mom kept killing her over and over and now she'll do anything do never be in pain again.

ukiyo, the second son. failed before he even got started. not a fighter at all. his brother runs away the day sachiko appears (they dont actually know if their mother made them or just found them somewhere, there's never any father in the picture) but he stays and is sachikos actual caretaker, since their mother is only interested in training her.

kofuku, the third gen. sometimes i love the idea of her, sometimes i pretend she doesnt exist. senju baby who was found by a mad scientist. you can imagine how that went. sachiko finds her and sends the guy to hell. sachiko's heir who is most definitely not her daughter, stop calling her that.

ichi-something, the first son. the brothers were named in that usual numbered pattern, it's just ukiyo picks a new name for himself after naming sachiko (bc their mother wanted to name her the third and he already knows how that story goes). running around rukon somewhere.

trivia - idr how the immortal concept started but i do know i want sachiko to die twice, maybe thrice. first is that academy field trip that momo and the others were on, which is just humiliating. she killed her monster of a mother and a fuckass hollow got her? second is aizen in winter war decapitating her in front of everyone. "ive always wondered what would happen if i did that :)" gets a cool neck scar out of it so is it really a loss?

oh and ukiyo is a healer but only for physical wounds. he can't restore reiatsu like the fourth's healers can and he isn't particularly concerned with the patients survival either bc hes only ever worked with fixing corpses basically. i oscillate between kofuku being a healer and just a kid whos whatever. she has a higher selfhealing threshold than the others bc of the experiments on her so that could explain her interest in wanting to heal others but also eh. dunno.

idk what else to add. have a sachiko picrew. desi-coded bc she started out as a selfinsert but then lore happened and i dont recognise her anymore lol

need to post my sachiko/family lore before kubo decides to release info abt the 5th noble clan. its my house until i get evicted

#txt #sachiko

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cptnbeefheart · 2 years ago

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now that ABOM issue 1 is published, i can post my contribution :] please do not repost unless you clearly credit me!!

here’s an obnoxious explanation of all my choices that is probably way too much information :

I find the most interesting aspect of the monkees to be their era of deconstructing the image that TV & studio execs had so carefully crafted. in the process of preserving this image, these execs had created somewhat palatable characters, caricatur-izing (sorry.) elements of the casts’ real personalities. the artists themselves were given an illusion of control over their brand, rarely getting the opportunity to publish the art that they made themselves.

ANYWAY.. tying this all into my piece .. i wanted to make something dedicated to frustrations felt by all members of the monkees. Peter is in the front, making strides toward the edge of the chessboard; the monkeemobile flooring it to stand in his way. I wanted the image of a monkee crushing something that was a major symbol in the show itself. what’s more iconic than the monkee mobile itself ?! my hope is that this shows autonomy on peters part, his true self contradicting this false image created by execs-- no longer a pawn for them! of course peter was the first to quit, which is why he is taking the lead. Mike was next, buying himself out of his contract in order to publish his own music and take control of his artistic career. even throughout the brainstorming process for this, i knew i wanted to put mike in his flashy (but fabulous) nudie suit. to me its such a foreshadowing of what he would go on to do in his solo career and with the first national band. i had to CONTAIN MYSELF because i didnt want mike to have a whole bunch of detail and not fit in with the rest of the subjects.. Mike is looking straight toward the audience, realizing he would like to pursue creative projects that would not be possible working with the monkees™ and everything that they symbolize. Davy looks for the edge of the chessboard, contemplating whether or not he should leave. Micky, wearing his outfit from Head (1968), holds a remote control. This is all in reference to the imagery seen in the film; he finally has the option to change the channels for himself. I actually used a screenshot from the movie to get his face & hair right. I think in the 2 years filming the show micky started embracing his curls, but the only references from a upward angle were when he was straightening his hair !!!! I ended up using the scene where he blows up the Coke machine, a satisfied smirk on his face. what an appropriate scene. finally the chessboard, white rabbits & wind up toys. I don’t think I really need to explain that aside from mentioning that the image of the wind-ups is from 33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee (1969). I think this was the last official monkees thing Peter was in (outside of future reunion tours). The television special echos the themes already present in Head, so i felt like it would be a nice addition. And it shows the monkees as pawns versus having full autonomy. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY LAST POINT ONE MORE THING ITS QUICK I PROMMY okay perpective ! I wanted to do an upward shot because First of all its fun but more importantly . it shows the cast themselves have outgrown their characters :] now who knows if ive succeeded in any of the things i attempted but at least i had fun :] and feeling like charlie iasip pepe silvia is healthy every once in a while...

#OKAY THATS ALL IM SORRY...#ive been putting off posting this because i know id get way too into putting an explanation Sigh im off a coffee.#listen i draw pictures because im too wordy and i overexplain #i could talk about color too but well. i need to stop talking.#also had to size this down do that i could post on here so sorry if its blurry. blame tumblr #a barrel of monkees #barrel of monkees #ABOM #the monkees #head 1968 #33 1/3 revolutions per monkee #michael nesmith #my art #peter tork #davy jones #micky dolenz #fanart #ok to rb

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vintagegeekculture · 3 years ago

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The 90s Hercules TV Movies

If you are only familiar with the comedic and lighthearted Hercules TV series, the tone of the seldom shown Hercules TV movies that aired on the Universal Action Pack, who’s success led to the series, should be a surprise. For those who are unaware, Universal had a block of programming that they used to show TV movies, including TekWar, Vanishing Son I-IV (essentially a remake of Fu Sheng’s Chinatown Kid, about a Chinese immigrant martial artist who’s brother becomes a gangster in San Francisco), and a remake of Smokey and the Bandit. Of these TV movies, the only ones that were really a hit were the Hercules, and it’s easy to see why.

Taking themselves as seriously as a Steve Reeves film from the 60s, the pre-series Action Pack Hercules TV movies had an interesting mission statement. As Hercules was something of an old fashioned type of hero even in the 90s, the first TV movie had to explain that this particular itineration of Hercules was a sensitive man who understands women. In the TV movie, Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur, he’s even a single dad, trying to raise his kids. In other words, they wanted to create a hero who had strength and toughness, but also, had a social conscience, and ended episodes with speeches about how racism was bad. They wanted to create a sort of workable composite hero for the 90s, a no beard, long haired hippie Hercules who looked like he was 4/20 friendly. Kevin Sorbo is the only Hercules I can imagine blazing it with a satyr and centaur.

The culture is cyclical, and periods of progressive sentiment yield to reactionary eras of angry retrenchment. I’ve always thought that the 90s were actually two decades in one. The early part of the decade was full of proactive, environmental, moralistic earnestness, like Ted Turner’s Captain Planet and the Planeteers and corny hip hop acts that wore daishikis, and the later years of the decade were reactionary in spirit, with angry tatted up nu metal acts and really weird pop stars who liked to say they were virgins all the time and wear purity rings.

Hercules and the Amazon Women was very much in the spirit of the earlier part of the decade. For instance, the Amazon Women are hostile to men because they think men are monstrous and beat their wives, and Hercules argues that isn’t true – some are cool enlightened males, like him, who can learn to treat women right, and the genders can learn to live together based on mutual respect. The Amazon Women doubt this and use a magic candle to make Hercules flash back to his own life and remember all the times he was taught how to interact with women in his life, in occasionally very degrading ways (in other words, we get Hercules’s origin, so it’s exposition that doesn’t feel like exposition – very clever). Confronted with this, Hercules comes out of it saying that he was wrong, that he can do better and believes everyone else can, too. As a “mission statement” for a new take on Hercules as a new kind of enlightened guy for the 90s who has both strength and compassion in equal measure, it works pretty effectively.

A lot of works try to be “ah, but this is not your father’s Hercules!” But I swear, this one really succeeded, and I think the reason these TV movies created an empire that dominated the decade was precisely because it was a completely different take that asked how it could do things differently. For instance, just like Kevin Sorbo’s Hercules is a longhair hippie and single dad who believes in peace and love who fights only when all else fails, Anthony Quinn as Zeus works exactly because he underplays it, plays Zeus as a regular guy, a normal schlub who might be a friend of your Dad at the pub, who doesn’t have a booming voice and comes off as normal…yet because this is Anthony Quinn here, he comes into the room… he’s in charge.

Another bit of casting that’s kind of impressive was Hippopolyta, Queen of the Amazons, played by Roma Downey. If you only know her from Touched by an Angel, her wearing a push up bra as a sexy evil queen villainess who knocks boots with Hercules is probably a hell of a shock. I truly believe that there is an alternate timeline where she becomes known for action roles as hot villainesses and would never play an angel in her life (quite the opposite), and maybe got the kind of career Lucy Lawless did. Yeah, she’s a Christian, which is why she did so well on that angel show she did, but that kind of thing isn’t disqualifying when it comes to action. After all, one of the most famous amazons of all, Lynda Carter (like many people of Mexican descent) is a devoted Catholic.

#hercules #90s #kevin sorbo

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thegodwithin · 3 years ago

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hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

#law of assumption #neville goddard #answered asks #o #tag

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cafeinthemoon · 3 years ago

Text

Portrait of a Monk - Chapter IV (UPDATED)

Chapter 4

Wordcount 2,2k

Title Familiar

Fandom Jujutsu Kaisen

Previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3

Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 🖤

Warning (s): implied religious fanaticism, manipulation, loss of the sense of reality

Tagging @darling-imobsessed @telvess @wasurenagusaa (if you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just send an ask or a message 😉)

N. A.: I decided to rewrite this story specially bc I wasn't satisfied with the purpose I've chose for the portrait itself, so this subject will be discussed in the next updated chapter. It means that this one will be cut by half and have its name changed. The time between the events was also cut from years to weeks, as the whole story happens when reader is an adult and not since her childhood as the story's previous version. Maybe some scenes and sentences disappear due to the alterations, but I hope you continue to enjoy this ff :)

So I've been trapped in the last paragraphs of this chapter and thought I would never overcome it, but finally it's here! Ugh

Something that I want to explain about these flashbacks/dreams is that reader will experience them more often and more intensely as time passes and Geto continues to interfere with his presence. There's a Jujutsu technique involved in this, as I said before, and many other subtleties are connected to it as well.

About the use of "my child" and "child": it's a condescending nickname used by Geto to refer, not only to her, but to all the people in that temple under his administration, as much as "father" is used by those people as an expression of respect and devotion towards him. Reader calls him father in this sense, and not because she sees him as a parental figure.

In the past

You left the company of the portrait before the first ray of sun entered the place and went back to your small room at the opposite wing of the temple. Fortunately for you, there were no people in the corridors yet, so that you wouldn’t be scolded or inquired about your activities…

Which didn’t mean you felt alone while crossing them.

All over the way, since you closed the room’s door behind you, the memory of the monk followed you until you reached your own place, the image so vivid that you could swear you had his eyes on your back all the time. You laid on your own bed and tried to close your eyes, but the sensation would only increase. As you should expect, it would be with you during the rest of that day, and the ones that came after it. But what was that weight you felt in your chest whenever you saw the portrait in your memories? Was it fear? No, it couldn’t be that simple. Was it shame? No, what did you do to feel ashamed? It was something else, something you couldn’t explain with your limited vocabulary, but it was too real to be denied. Maybe it was the talent of the artist that has left you in awe, or it might have been the mystery behind their work: why did the elders leave it there with all those old, useless things? Did they forget about it? Well, how could someone even forget about something like that?

And who was that man, anyway? One of the elders in his youth, or maybe a monk who lived there long ago? Or was he just a symbol of the enlightened people, as the elders liked to call the ones who succeeded in fighting the curses, and no one in particular? No, he couldn’t be no one.

And without the ways to discover any satisfying information about it, your innocent mind wandered toward a fantastic obsession.

Of course, you wouldn’t see it that way, but the effects of this fixation were nonetheless felt in every possible aspect: you would fall asleep thinking about the portrait, and in the next morning, your first thought would be for it; you walked around the temple’s rooms taking care of your tasks with the sensation of his eyes on you, and behaved as if any wrong step or sentence could bring his disapproval over you. You would measure each word, each action to not let anyone know about your little fixation, and to your surprise, no one suspected the truth.

At night, you would sneak through the silent corridors and reach that lonely wing of the temple, only guided by the moonlight entering the gaps on the doors and by your own familiarity with the place, to lock yourself inside that room and rest on the portrait’s feet, sometimes admiring it, other times just standing there with your eyes closed. You always made sure you would not fall sleep there, assuming the risk of being discovered, but it was hard, even painful to leave that room: a tightness appeared in your throat every time you closed the door, and you would leave with a sadness deeper than the one you carried when you arrived.

***

Not only your work load grew twice in the temple since you recovered, but you were sent to study with the elders more often. They still haven’t talked about this to you, but you believed they were preparing you for important tasks outside the temple in the near future, something that certainly had connections with the cursed spirits: you’ve been learning more and more about them, their origins and the temple’s role towards them. You were told that cursed spirits were made of equally cursed energy, and that this energy was produced by humans, though not all of them were aware of this, and even less were able to optimize this energy. This was what you were supposed to do at the temple: to learn how to use this energy and deal with the creatures that were born from it. Usually, you would do it through your innate techniques, that is, abilities that you were born with and that you should develop in daily training sessions, aside physical exercises.

The elders would send you to the wild territories, as you used to call the groves under the temple’s rule, to find and exorcise the curses you found there: all the gates and walls were sealed against them, except for those places, under the purpose of preparing the students to unpredictable situations. Each person was allowed to use their knowledge and abilities as they pleased, as long as they didn’t harm each other; working in teams were recommended as well, but some of you would prefer to work alone.

That was your case, during these lessons and everything else.

You still used to visit the portrait’s room at night. It was true that you’ve spent less time in it than before, but your dedication to the figure of the monk remained the same, or has even deepened alongside your development. You would dream about him; in those dreams, he would wander through the secrets of life, the human heart and the birth of curses, and the future of humanity concerning the use of cursed energy. Any detail of the elders’ lessons that remained obscure to you would be clarified by him, and each doubt would be purged and replaced with a stronger conviction.

You also spent hours in the temple’s library, trying to find something about the artistic productions inside your community, the monks who lived there before you and what happened to them. Your researches haven’t brought meaningful results, but this only increased your curiosity and had you thinking deeply of your own position at the temple and among its people.

Whenever you talked or heard about the purpose in your lessons and activities, and even in some of your regular tasks, a name would often appear, almost always brought to the conversations by the elders – Geto Suguru. This name was never referred to in a light way, however: never the first name was pronounced without the surname alongside it, unless when one of its variations was used, but they would always wander around Geto–sama, Master Geto or even Our father, Geto.

You had a memory of being with him once when, after having crossed the wild territories all by yourself in a stormy night and survived the cursed spirits there, you were brought to the temple by this gentle stranger who lately was called Geto–sama by one of the elders, however you never looked directly at his face. Since that night, you haven’t seen him in any part of the temple, but this was justified by what you’ve heard the elders say about him having “many works to fulfill across the country, where other of his children lived, and he would spend time in their company, thus taking weeks to return to the first ones”. That was a shame, though: as far as you knew, there was no sign that Geto Suguru was going to return so soon to the temple, so you probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to thank him for taking care of you and accepting you among his children.

And the most agonizing part of it was that you knew the many questions you had concerning your own work, the curses and the portrait could only be answered by him.

***

You carried the pile of white sheets in both arms to the last room of the corridor, left it inside an arc, then rolled the futon and organized the things upon the furniture. You’ve been awake since six and were getting tired now: though it was a Sunday, you still had work to do, most of it including the preparations for the week. Besides, it was almost your lunch time and you were eager to finish this task, so that you wouldn’t have to go back to that part of the temple so soon.

When everything was ready, you stood up to leave. With a sigh, you slid the door to the side and walked away from it. Since the owners of those rooms were occupied with their own morning tasks, they wouldn’t be back right now, which was a relief: you always preferred to work alone, with almost no possibilities of being interrupted by unexpected requests or small talk that would only delay you.

Right now, you were alone at that wing, and by the silence on that corridor and the ones near it, you couldn’t say that someone was about to come...

That was why you gasped when, from the middle of the corridor, you saw someone passing on the opposite side, on the parallel hall.

The stranger walked slowly, his feet in white socks not making any sound upon the wooden floor, the traditional clothing of the elders floating around him, as well as his long, black hair, half tied, falling on thick strands behind his back. He wasn’t one of the elders, or at least none of the ones you knew; so why was he dressed like them, and what was he doing there?

You took one step toward him, but the moment you looked at his face, your mouth got dry and your feet were frozen on your spot, the rest of your body shaking with the sight – you recognized the man of the portrait. Imposing, out worldly as you remembered him, and not a single day aged, indicating that the portrait wasn’t as old as you always supposed.

He stopped and looked at your direction. With that, a sensation, a sort of pressure, was established between you and him, ceasing any intention from your part of running away. Did you just enter a dream or were you becoming insane at last?

Before you could decide for one of those alternatives, he turned to your corridor and took a step toward you. You clenched your fists in anxiety, your nails buried in your palms, waiting...

But the monk just smiled.

From your spot you heard his voice talking to you, and to your ears it sounded as soft as a spring breeze.

– Good morning. Among all my children, you are the first one I see today – he raised his hand and beckoned you – Come closer, my dear. Let me greet you properly.

You had no other choice but to obey: one couldn’t just not do as he said.

You didn’t recall when you started walking; when you noticed, you were already stopping in front of him, the living, breathing version of the image you’ve been dreaming about for so long. Despite your familiarity with each detail of the portrait, some differences didn’t go unnoticed by your observant eyes once you were near him: first, he was taller than you expected, so that you barely reached his shoulders; second, despite his serene manners and peaceful expression, it didn’t escape you the sharpness in his small eyes, examining you inside out in a way a lifeless portrait could never do, making you bow your head.

The man giggled and came closer to you, putting his fingers under your chin and raising it in a gentle, encouraging gesture.

– Judging by your reaction, I can tell this is the first time you see me. But there is nothing to be afraid of.

Those words, and the assuring tone in which they were said, soothed your mind and released your tongue.

– Actually, it is not!

He raised an eyebrow.

– What do you mean, dear?

You bit your lip.

– I am referring to what you just said, my Lord. That this is the first time I see you. Actually, your face is familiar to me.

– Is that so? – he seemed more and more curious – How?

– There is a portrait of yours in this temple – you explained – It's kept inside a room at another wing of the building. It has been there for a long time, and I happened to find it.

A new glow appeared in his eyes when he heard that.

– A portrait, you say? – he spoke more to himself than to you; then, turning back to you, – Can you show it to me?

You swallowed, then nodded.

– Of course, my Lord.

The monk smiled and offered his hand in response. You hesitated with the sudden invitation, but didn’t refuse it and put your hand on his palm. His fingers closed around yours, warm and soft as a childish memory... A memory you did have: you thought of the stormy night when that gentle stranger brought you to the temple and took care of you. A stranger that called all of its people his children, just like the monk was doing now. You remembered they calling that stranger a name – a name the elders used with deep respect.

You looked back at the man.

– Geto-sama...

He was already observing you with the smile you used to find in his beloved portrait.

– You already guessed, didn’t you? – he questioned, and for a moment you remembered the way he spoke to you in that stormy night – Now, let’s see this portrait you talked about. It must be important to you.

Important to you? How could you explain that is was more than important? Well, you didn’t have time for these deliberations now. You had to lead him to the portrait.

And that was what you did.

#jjk #jjk geto #geto x reader #geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #jjk fic #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #geto x y/n #geto x you

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nyctophilin · 4 years ago

Text

Fake Affection | II

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 4.5k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, eventual Smut

Warnings: swearing

A/N: Remember when I said this will only have two part? Well, I’m a big fat liar. The drama kind of started this chapter and I’m excited for it. Also, thank you so much for for the huge support I got for the last part. I’m really grateful for that. I hope you like it, hehe. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Y/N was sitting in Script Interpretation class trying to go over the script they were going to discuss that day once more. Her concentration was interrupted by a pile of books being slammed into the table way too close to where her hand was resting. Lifting her head to look for the culprit she locked eyes with Hayoon. A shiver went through her body.

“Hey, girl. How are you doing?” Her voice was abnormally high and she hated how she couldn’t hide her feelings in front of her best friend. She really fucked up this time.

“Oh, don’t you ‘girl’ me! Can you explain to me what the fuck is everyone talking about?” She wasn’t screaming, her tone calm. Way too calm. It was making Y/N way more scared than she should have been.

Y/N lifted the script she was previously holding. “ Angels in Ame…” Hayoon hit the table with her palm and lowered herself to watch Y/N in the eyes.

“Don’t you bullshit me Y/N. Why is everyone talking about you and Han Jisung being in a relationship?” Hayoon’s face was dangerously close to hers and she could feel the daggers that her eyes were sending in her direction.

She gulped visibly before putting her hands on Hayoon’s shoulders and slowly pushing her away from her. “Well, we are in a relationship.” She didn’t dare look her friend in the eyes.

Annoyance was embracing Hayoon’s facial features. She clicked her tongue before exhaling loudly. “And why didn’t I know? And most importantly, when the fuck did it happen?” The girl’s voice started to rise in volume.

“Ok, please calm down! I’ll tell you everything at the end of the class. The professor is supposed to arrive any minute.” Y/N had a pleading face on, grateful for the fact that they didn’t have a free period. She hoped that maybe during the class Hayoon would calm down even a little. She really couldn’t deal with her friend when she was angry.

Like it was on cue, the professor entered the classroom and greeted everyone. Hayoon threw Y/N a look that meant they were not done there and focused on the professor.

Throughout the class, Y/n couldn’t focus on what they were talking about. She was thinking of what to tell her friend so she believes her and Jisung are deeply in love or at least very horny for each other. She was told by more professors that she is one of the best actresses they have at the moment but in front of Hayoon, she felt just like a kid who’s done something bad for the first time.

The time flew ridiculously fast that class and when the bell rang Y/N felt like she could have used some more hours to prepare for the talk she was about to have with Hayoon. Her friend got up and when they both finished packing their things she grabbed Y/N’s bicep as a method to prevent her from running away.

Hayoon led her outside of the campus and they sat down on a bench at the front of the university. That was the moment when she let go of her friend's arm. She made herself comfortable on the bench while Y/N was fidgeting nervously.

“You can start talking” She tilted her head to the side waiting for an explanation.

Y/N let out a shaky breath. “What happened is that he sat next to me in Canto class and then when the class was over he asked me to talk. He asked me out and now we are dating.” She said all that in a breath hoping that maybe Hayoon didn’t hear her.

“Just like that?” The other girl’s voice filled her ears. Y/N looked at her confused. The girl rolled her eyes. “You started dating him just like that? Just because he asked you? What happened with ‘He’s a loser’, ‘He never takes shit seriously’, ‘He has a stupid face that I hate’? Weren’t he and Mina dating?” The flood of questions took her by surprise.

“No, they are not dating. And he’s actually kind of nice. He has his bad parts but don’t we all?” She tried explaining without stumbling over her words which she succeeded in doing. Thankfully.

“But what if it is some kind of bet or trick? You know who he is friends with. You should have thought better before saying yes.” She shifted her position closer to Y/N and put a hand on her forearm protectively.

She was right. The whole thing was just a trick but she wasn’t the victim. She kind of felt bad now but the whole thing was actually harmless. They were just trying to make Mina jealous and if it didn’t work in a month or so, she would break up with Jisung. She turned her head towards her friend, tears stinging her eyes.

“Yes, I know his friends but it’s not like that. I really do like him. Why can’t you be happy for me? Is it that hard to believe that a popular guy would like me?” A single tear fell down her cheek and Hayoon hugged her hurriedly, stuffing her face into her chest.

“No, I’m sorry! Of course, he can. I’m sure a lot of popular guys like you! I was just worried!” Y/N sobbed a little and Hayoon hugged her tighter, rubbing her back soothingly.

“It’s ok. I know you mean well.” Y/N hated having to use the fake crying on her friend but if they wanted that to work no one should know they were faking their relationship.

The bell rang signalling the end of her last class. She gathered her things and waited a bit for Hayoon before leaving the room. Just as she stepped outside the classroom a hand snaked around her waist and she was pressed to a body.

“Hey, babe.” Jisung said next to her ear before giving her neck a kiss. The girl jumped at the contact before relaxing upon realising that it was Jisung.

“Hey.” She made eye contact with Hayoon who was sitting awkwardly to the side. She got out of his lock only to hold her friend’s hands and bring her closer. When she turned she noticed Hyunjin and Chan standing close to Jisung as well. “She’s my friend, Hayoon.” The men all greeted her.

Hayoon gave them in return a smile that was visibly fake before turning to Y/N. “I have to go. See you tomorrow, ok?”

“Yeah, see you.” She watched her get lost in the crowd before turning back to the boys.

“She’s nice.” Jisung said ironically, rolling his eyes.

“Give her time. She just doesn’t really like you.” Hyunjin and Chan held in their laughter as Jisung’s face turned into a hurt one.

“But you like me, right babe?” His voice was as if he was talking to a child as he placed his hands on her hips bringing her closer.

“You might have to give me some time as well.” The men finally let out their laughter as Jisung’s expression turned into an annoyed one. “What are you doing here, anyway?” She asked her head tilted to the side to show confusion and to distance herself a little bit from Jisung, who didn’t seem to have a problem with showing her affection.

“I came here to wait for Jeongin and they came to wait for you.” Hyunjin smiled as he spoke. She smiled back at him feeling happiness invade her body.

She turned her head towards her pretend boyfriend raising an eyebrow. “Did you want to tell me something?”

“I actually came to take you home. I and Chan have to meet Changbin somewhere and your house is on the way there.” She felt a warm feeling in her stomach at his words. That was actually really nice of him considering the fact that they were not actually dating.

“Jisung sweetie, you don’t know where I live yet.” Hyunjin snorted loudly, biting his lip to prevent himself from laughing. Jisung glared at him before looking down at Y/N.

“Ok, I don’t know if your house is on the way there but we were going to drop you off.”

“That’s really sweet of you but I actually have the first meeting with the crew for the short movie I’ll play in. I can’t leave yet.” She finally got out of his arms as she wanted to turn around and leave. A pair of strong hands placed themselves on her biceps and stopped her from moving.

“Easy there. You almost hit me. We still have 15 minutes until the meeting starts.” Jeongin explained as he went past her to greet each of the men individually.

“I’m sorry!” A pinkish colour dusted her cheeks, embarrassed by her negligence to where she was walking. “We? Your crew is meeting now as well?” The innocence in her voice made Jeongin chuckle.

“Y/N, we play in the same movie.” Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fell agape at his words. Hyunjin and Jeongin giggled at her reaction.

“Seriously?” Her question had Hyunjin rolling his eyes.

“You say that like you haven’t been together in every single play since last year.” He was right but she didn’t remember seeing Jeongin at the auditions. “Now, let’s go or we’ll be late.”

“You play in it as well?” Her expression became even more shocked if it was possible.

“No, I don’t. I’ll just come watch.”

“I don’t think you are allowed to.”

“Oh, please! Mrs. Bae loves me. I’m sure she won’t have anything against it.” Right after he finished talking he hooked an arm around Jeongin’s neck forcing him to follow his lead. When he got next to Y/N he did the same taking the girl by surprise.

She regained her composure fast telling herself that Hyunjin is just a social butterfly. She lifted her hand and waved it ‘Goodbye!’ at the boys who she couldn’t see because of Hyunjin’s grip on her neck.

Jisung watched as the three of them were heading for the auditorium. Taking another look at Hynjin’s arm around her neck, he scoffed. He had been particularly annoying since lunch and something told Jisung it wouldn’t be the last time.

As long as he didn’t interfere with their plan to make Mina jealous, he didn’t really care what kind of relationship Hyunjin was trying to push with Y/N.

“I can not wait to get the script. Cursed be the printer for breaking down today of all days!” Y/N chanted for the nth time in the last 20 minutes.

The meeting went fairly well. They mostly talked about the concept of the movie more in-depth, met the other actors that they didn’t know thanks to them being from different majors and discussed about each character individually so they know how to prepare for the roles. The only thing that upset Y/N was the missing scripts that they were supposed to receive. She was so excited about the movie and she could not endure another day without knowing the entire story.

She was currently walking home with Hyunjin and Jeongin. Despite being well past 7 PM the sun was still in the sky probably preparing to set soon. The spring breeze had her clutching her jean jacket to her body trying to get rid of the goosebumps covering her skin.

“You’ve only told us that a thousand times in the last couple of minutes.” Hyunjin said being unable to suppress the smile that was tugging at his mouth upon seeing how excited she was.

“Can you blame me? The concept of Hell and Heaven, the forbidden love, the action, the drama. Everything is so, ugh!” Y/N was making wide gestures with her hands as she spoke, having the men trying to avoid them in order not to get hit. Jeongin grabbed one of her hands stopping her ministration.

“I have never seen someone so excited about a school project. Calm down! We’ll get the script tomorrow.” Her mouth formed into a pout at his words. The two men let out chuckles at her action.

Taking a look around her she noticed a familiar coffee shop on the other side of the road. She cleared her throat as she stopped at the crossroad.

“My apartment is actually that way.” She used her index finger to point the direction of the coffee shop. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

“Actually, I’m going that way as well.” Hyunjin said, pressing the button of the traffic lights.

They said goodbye to Jeongin before crossing the street. There was a comfortable silence between the two of them for a few minutes.

“I still can’t believe that they let you stay.” Y/N said, remembering how he sat behind her and Jengin the whole time. He would make short comments about the plot and characters from time to time, making her giggle.

“I told you Mrs. Bae loves me. She’ll do anything for her favourite student.” He said matter of factly.

“I just don’t understand how she can be such a bitch to everyone but you. She acted like you were her son, I swear to God.” She trembled as she recalled how the professor would talk to him in a baby voice and how she offered to give him her chair so he could sit comfortably.

“Not everyone is as handsome and amazing as I am.” Y/N laughed shortly and shoved him slowly.

Another minute passed before Hyunjin decided to speak.

“You know what I don’t understand?” He asked, looking at her side profile.

“What?” She made eye contact with him.

“Now, I don’t want you to get offended, cause that is definitely your choice. However, why date Jisung? You could have had any boy on campus. Someone that’s actually mature and nice.” Hyunjin let his teeth sink into the flesh of his bottom lip.

He knew what he was trying to do was not ethical. Jisung was one of his best friends but he had to know. If he couldn’t get Mina, which everyone could, how did he convince someone of Y/N’s calibre to date him?

“Perhaps you think too highly of me. I assure you, I couldn’t have had any boy on campus.” She let a breathy laugh leave her lips. Boys barely talked to her and every time they did they were very awkward and distant.

“I’m afraid I have to disagree with you. A lot of guys like you. You are smart, talented, friendly and, please excuse my language, hot. You just seem unapproachable because…” He stopped in the middle of his sentence contemplating whether he should say it or not.

“Because…” She encouraged him to speak.

“You might have a resting bitch face sometimes.” He noticed she wanted to say something but cut her off. “AND. And there is this guy that claims to have confessed to you last year and he said you completely humiliated him.” He bit the inside of his lip.

An irritated breath left her nose. “I swear to God. I knew that guy would do something like that. All I did was tell him I want to focus on school for a while and he literally started crying. When I told him he could ask me again in a few months he called me a bitch and stormed out of there.” She paused for a bit to regain her composure. “If he’s the reason no guy approached me all this time I’ll find him and give his ass a beating.” She declared clenching her fist in front of her face.

Hyunjin chuckled at her action. “Ok, but let’s go back to Jisung.” That was a phrase he never thought he would say to a girl.

“Ah, yeah. I don’t know. He was the first one to ask me out. He is kinda handsome and nice, I guess. I mean, he does that thing where he likes to make fun of people for no reason that absolutely drives me mad.” She exclaimed the last word clenching her jaw. “But he has been nice to me since we started dating. It has been only a day and a half but he knows that if he does something wrong I’ll dump him faster than he can rap.”

“Hmm, interesting. So this is all it takes for you to break up with him. In that case, I want to let you know that he has been rude to me today before we came to meet you.” Y/N laughed and hit his chest softly. Hyunjin laughed as well, but his laugh wasn’t genuine.

Y/N stopped walking and put her hand on his forearm. “This is where I live. Thank you for walking with me. It was fun spending time with you today.” A bright smile enveloped her features.

Hyunjin took a look at the apartment complex behind her trying to figure out at what floor her apartment might be. Quickly, he shifted his eyes on her and without realising he patted her head smiling.

“I had fun as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rub into Jisung’s face the fact that I found out where you live before him.” He said and turned on his heels to leave.

Y/N noticed Hyunjin going in the same direction they came from and confusion settled inside her.

“Hey! Where are you going?” She shouted after him.

Hyunjin turned towards her and a smile tugged on his lips. “Actually, I live two streets behind.”

Her eyes widened at his words. “Oh my God! Why didn’t you say so? I made you walk all the way here.”

“I couldn’t let such a pretty lady walk alone at this hour.” His response came to her panicked rambling.

“But it’s still really bright outside!”

“Ok, you got me. I just wanted to spend more time with you.” A smirk appeared on his lips. “Hey! Don’t tell Jisung!” He winked at her before turning around and sprinting down the street.

She casually walked into the complex and made her way to the third floor where her apartment was located. She fished her key from her bag and unlocked the door entering the residence.

When she found herself in the safety of her apartment she let her body slid down the white door. A rosy pink was covering her cheeks and she bit her bottom lip. What was that stupid feeling inside her chest? She needed to calm down.

Y/N got up from the floor and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and snatched a water bottle from the fridge door. She downed half of it in one go and used one hand to prop herself against the wall.

“Mina, you bitch. Hurry up and fall in love with Jisung.” She mumbled pressing the cold bottle to her exposed collarbones.

“How much more should we sit in silence?” Changbin whispered looking around at the people occupying the table.

“Shhh. Be quiet! They’ll both rip your head off if you disturb them.” Hayoon spit in a barely audible voice.

Changbin threw her an annoyed look. Why did Y/N’s friend have to sit with them as well? He glanced at Y/N and Jeongin who were seated across one another. Their eyes were scanning over the pages of the thick scripts they had in hand for the past 20 minutes, forcing everyone else around them to be quiet.

“Whoa, what an ending! I knew I could trust our senior.” Y/N finally exclaimed, startling some of the people at the table.

“Tell me about it. I can not believe you have to do that.” Jeongin said, placing the script next to his tray.

“Don’t be sad, lover boy. I promise I’ll take good care of you in hell.” She winked at him before stuffing the script in her bag.

“Do I sense some steamy stuff coming up?” Felix wiggled his eyebrows at Jeongin.

“Nah, just a kiss. But like, fucking finally!” Jeongin exclaimed, taking a bite from his food for the first time since he sat down.

“How did we manage to be in so many plays together and not kiss once? That never happens. It started to worry me. Finally, the universe is in order again.” She joked pretending to wipe away sweat from her forehead.

Jisung rested his elbow on the back of Y/N’s chair and leaned close to her. “Do you mean to tell me that you’ve wanted to kiss Jeongin for a long time now?” His tone was meant to be teasing and intimidating but Y/N felt like laughing at his efforts to seem like a possessive boyfriend. She rolled her eyes visibly.

“Don’t worry, babe. It’s just acting. No real feelings involved.” Her words carried a lot of meaning, one which only the two of them could understand.

“Really?” His voice lowered an octave and using one finger he turned her head towards him capturing her lips in a slow kiss.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Mina looking at them. She was seated a few tables away with her friends and a few guys from her major. He felt like smirking when she clenched her jaw and scoffed in their direction.

He broke the kiss and proceeded to lick his lips tasting Y/N’s strawberry lip balm on them. He curled one hand over her shoulders and brought her closer. Upon placing a kiss on her temple, the sound of metal hitting metal ringed in the cafeteria. Mina abruptly got up from her table and left the cafeteria leaving her friends to clean up her tray.

Minho let out a prolonged whistle rolling his eyes in the process. “Looks like someone is in a bad mood. I wonder why.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, the reason for Mina’s sudden outburst being well known at the table.

“You snooze, you lose.” A smirk was plastered on Jisung’s face. “I think a year and a half was a good amount of time for her to figure out her feelings. I wasn’t gonna wait around for her my entire life.” He declared nonchalantly playing with a strand of Y/N’s hair.

Y/N bit back a laugh at his bold statement. What he said wasn’t entirely wrong. He didn’t wait around for her but he sure as hell wasn’t over her like his tone wanted to make it seem like. She lightly patted his thigh under the table as a form of saying ‘Good one!’.

“That kind of makes it seems like you are using Y/N to get over her. I’d be more careful with my word choice next time.” Hyunjin said in a stern voice, throwing Jisung a cold glare.

“No one needs your fucking opinion. Why do you even care?” Jisung felt annoyance overwhelm him. Hyunjin has voiced a lot of his opinions regarding his relationship with Y/N ever since they’ve announced it. Most of them in private when she wasn’t present.

“Cause I don’t want you hurting my friend. She’s been nice enough to date you. I feel like you should be grateful.” Hyunjin was clearly irritated by Jisung’s attitude.

Y/N watched as the two men were throwing daggers at each other. The same fuzzy feeling from the day before started spreading in her body. She kept repeating to herself that Hyunjin was just being nice. All he did and said the day prior was just him being nice. Some of his words started playing in her head when she remembered the previous day. ‘I just wanted to spend more time with you. Don’t tell Jisung!’ He was probably just joking. Just some playful rivalry between the two.

“It’s ok, Hyunjin. I didn’t see it like that. I’m fine.” She mumbled and started playing with her fingers under the table. She tried controlling her laboured breath.

Jisung threw Hyunjin a victorious smile. Noticing a change in her demeanour he took a look at her. Cheeks dusted with the faintest of pinks and fingers playing nervously under the table. A smirk acaparated his face as he remembered the conversation he had with her the other day on the bench. She definitely had a crush on someone.

The sound of a key turning in a lock was heard in the empty apartment. Y/N entered the residence and abandoned her bag on the hanger near the door. Taking off her boots, she made her way to the window in the living room to close it, the air in the apartment being way too chilly for her comfort. She picked up a plate from the coffee table that she abandoned there in the morning before leaving and took it to the sink in the kitchen before going to her bedroom.

The space was fairly clean excepting her desk that had all sorts of assignments and books sprawled all over it. She took off her clothes and discarded them in the laundry bin before going to her closet to pick something comfortable to wear. She settled for a pair of burgundy sweats and a black hoodie, perfect for that spring weather.

Just as she finished putting on the hoodie she heard her phone go off signalling that she got a message. Throwing herself on the bed she grabbed her phone that was on the nightstand next to her bed.

[Jisung,15:36]Tomorrow is Saturday. Let’s go on a date! :D

Y/N pursed her lips after reading his message. She has planned to do research about her character for the movie the next day. Her fingers moved fast in typing a reply.

[Y/N,15:39]Is Mina gonna be there?

She had no reason to go on that date if Mina wasn’t going to be there. It will be just a waste of her time. Her phone emitted the same ringing sound like earlier and she unlocked it to check his response.

[Jisung,15:40]Of course. Why else would I ask you on a date?

His message had her rolling her eyes. She would bet all her money that he had a smug expression at that moment. Probably thinking that he did something. She was getting annoyed just thinking of it.

[Y/N,15:42]Time and place?

[Jisung,15:45] 6 PM. Text me your address, I’ll come pick you up.

She sent him her address after a few minutes of contemplating insisting to meet there. She locked her phone and turned the silent mode on putting it back on the nightstand. Jumping out of bed she made her way to her desk prepared to start working on some of the assignments scattered on it.

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